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Well friends, I may not need my application to Find My Family at all. I have been in contact with an Adoption Search Angel. This angel is a kind person named Betsi who volunteers her time searching to bring birth mothers and their children back together. Betsi helped me find one Lana Carol Williams who was living in Texas and near Houston at the time of my birth. This Lana still lives in the same area today. I found her picture on a class reunion website. Since I don't know how to post pictures to this blog, you can check out her picture on my Facebook page, or you can see it here on her class reunion page. You will want to scroll to the bottom (look for Lana Williams) I would love to hear if folks see a resemblance.
Anyway, I have sent her an email proposing the question "Are you my birth mother?" What a strange and bizarre letter to write. I had imagined writing this letter hundreds of times. As I sat down to write it last night, I realized the power the words carried. I tried to be gracious and careful and not too direct. Here it is:
Dear Mrs. Reedy,
I apologize if this email catches you off guard. I am following up on research I am doing in a search for my birth mother. I believe her name was Lana C. Williams. I am aware that is your maiden name. I found it through searching marriage records and that is how I found you - ( I saw that a Lana C. Williams married a man named Reedy. I searched on your married name and found that you did live in the Houston area at the time of my birth and that you still do today. It is amazing what you can find online.
I was born in early Jan of 1970 in Harris County - the name Lana Carol Williams is listed as the mother of only one female infant of born at the time and place of my birth. I found your high school picture from MB Smiley HighSchool and many of my friends and family believe we share a very strong resemblance. The high school reunion page is also how I got this email address.
I have more exact details about my birth, that we can use to confirm a match, but I will withhold them for now until it turns out that in contacting you I have possibly contacted my birth mother.
If you do believe you are my birth mother, I want you to know that I have always understood that your choice was for the best (regardless of the reason). Please know I have always wished you to be at peace with your decision. I am who I am today because of your choice, and I love who I am; so all is as it should be! I have thought of you on every birthday and with every joyous moment in my life.
If we are a match, I hope you would want to reconnect and will contact me as soon as possible. If for some reason you would not. Please just let me know the truth so that I can stop searching.
Sincerely and anxiously awaiting your response, please feel free to call anytime day or night.
Patricia Ann Meyer-McDonald
--
I am of course waiting on pins and needles. I will mail her the letter her as well. I actually have her phone number, but I don't want to take her that much by surprise. She may need to sit with it for a while before responding.
Now on the other hand, if this lead turns out a dud, I am still working on my application for Find My Family and have reworked the About Me section. I have an ex-network producer friend who instructed me that my story needs more intrigue and less of me spelling out every little detail. The goal is to peak producers' interest. So here is the revised About Me section, just in case I need to send in my application:
This past January 5, 2010 marks 40 years of life lived with a piece missing. This piece resides with my birth mother. I was told I was adopted before I could even understand it, and I lived 12 years with no questions, no concerns, accepting of my happy life and good fortune. Then at 12, when I needed a social security number for a school event, I was met by my birth mother with a dark and difficult secret. “We never received your birth certificate,” my adoptive mother explained carefully. “You don’t exist, you have lived 12 years belonging to no one,” is what I heard.
In the years since, I’ve learned my story began over a shampoo at a tiny Texas beauty salon. Kay the shampoo girl heard all about the unwed-mothers-to-be from Mrs. Howell who just loved to chat her way through a good wash and rinse. Mrs. Howell was the wife of Attorney William (Bill Howell) who represented these young ladies and helped place their babies in good quality homes. In was in 1969 that it occurred to Kay to tell the good Mrs. Howell about Cousin Jacqui (my mother). “My cousin Jacqui, is looking to adopt!” And from there over a head of bubbles, my fate was rinsed, wrapped and set to dry!
When I asked my mother why I didn’t have a birth certificate, she explained “The attorney said if we did not pay him more, we would not receive the papers.” “Why not call the police?” I asked. “By the time we had you home, we could not imagine losing you,” she answered. “So we dropped it and the problem and attorney went away.”
But the problem was back. I was not legal and my birth name was just a name pulled out of thin air, no legal document existed to make me real. But there was more. “We also,” she spoke carefully, “well we are not sure if you were born on the 5th or the 6th of January.” The confession twisted my gut and distorted my fragile 12- year-old sense of self. The question“Where did I come from, and what is my story?” seemed to take on a whole new level of mystery.
At 18 and legal age to look into things myself, I learned even more troubling news. Not only did my adoptive parents not receive a birth certificate, their names did not connect to any adoption, nor did my own. It was a though no adoption ever took place. It seems I was a cash deal!
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Snippets from My Application to ABC's Find My Family - ISO My Birthmother
Below are snippets from the very long application to ABC's Find My Family - I am hoping they will choose my case and help me find my birth mother!
ABOUT ME:
As of this January 5, 2010 I have lived 40 years with a piece missing. This piece lives with my birth mother. At just five-days old and without a family to call my own, I was fatefully placed into the arms of two amazing people who loved me boundlessly. "You are so loved because you are so wanted!" my Adoptive Mother always told me. She explained that I was also "so loved" by my Birth Mother that she put aside all the desire in her heart to keep me and instead let my Mommy raise me for her "so I would have the best life possible."
And WOW did I! My adoptive parents sacrificed to educate me in private school, supported my pre-teen love of acting and singing, and stood by me when (at 19) I too became pregnant. I decided that I could not make the same difficult sacrifice as my own birth mother; I could not give my baby up for adoption. It might have been a selfish decision, as I was truly unprepared to be a mother. Yet I knew my heart could not withstand the double loss. I could not live my life longing for both my birth mother and my birth daughter. The thought of that was unfathomable.
Today I know I made the right decision for me; still I wish I could have saved my child the difficulty of growing up with a single mother. And I am awed by those who are able to let their children go “to find better lives”. Still I cannot describe the connection I find in my own daughter's eyes, my eyes; her smile that matches my own; she is my one true living relative. Hers is the face I look into and see my own, those mannerisms we share, and those habits we just can't break no matter how hard we try. The loss of this precious connection that binds mother and daughter is the loss endured in the lives of those separated by adoption.
The day they put my daughter in my arms, I met my first living relative, and I felt so much less alone. Yet a part of me (the part that is the daughter and not the mother) still stands alone in my continued search to close the familial circle. Today I am happily married; I obtained a college degree in Journalism and work in the world of online media and social networking. My daughter is now 20 years old, and I am step mom to an 11 year old son. I enjoy creative writing, walking, yoga, cooking. I lost my adoptive father in 1996 and my adoptive mother September 11 of 2008. I decided to start my search this year on my 40th birthday. My birth mother would be somewhere between 57 and 63ish probably.
HOW WILL FINDING YOUR RELATIVE CHANGE YOUR LIFE?
I have long felt that it is my obligation to reach out to find my birth mother. My core longs to find her, and if she wants to find me as badly as I want to find her, then I owe it to her to search as hard as I can, especially if she is searching diligently as well. She did the hardest part (letting me go). Doing my part of the reconnecting work is the least I can do. Finding her would change my life in possibly two ways. If she was glad to be found, this could mean that my family would grow, I would feel complete and our hearts could stop longing, our eyes could stop searching crowds, our ears could stop searching names.
If she was NOT happy to be found and wanted to leave the past in the past, YES it would hurt. But even from here I could begin to heal. I could stop picking at the primal wound so to speak. I would know that "she" is not still out there searching for me, and I too could stop searching. Knowing I found her, even if she did not want to connect, would allow me to begin to heal and obtain closure. Until then, we adoptees walk around with our invisible antennae up constantly searching faces in the crowd and seeking out that secret information to be delivered from the universe.
WHY IS IT URGENT FOR YOU TO FIND THEM NOW? (Please be detailed)
It is only urgent to find her (and/or my birth father/family) in that the longer I wait the fewer years we will have together should they want to reconnect. It is urgent also because after 40 years I want to have peace around this no matter which way it goes. I want to lower my adoptee antennae.
IF YOU SAW HIM/HER AGAIN, WHAT IS IT YOU WOULD LIKE TO SAY?
I have always understood your choice was for the best (regardless of the reason), I have always loved you, and I have always prayed for you to be at peace with your decision. I would not change anything in any way as I cannot imagine never having loved my adoptive parents and I am who I am today because of your choice, and I love who I am so all is as it should be! I have thought of you on every birthday and with every joyous moment in my life.
PLEASE CHOOSE ONE WORD TO DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY AND EXPLAIN:
GENUINE - What you see is what you get with me. I don't hide behind false pretenses, I wear my heart on my sleeve, I am honest and kind and supportive. I don't hold grudges or measure things or search for my fair share. I believe that all things good and bad in our lives happen for a reason. I believe life is a continuous learning experience. There are no mistakes there are only tough lessons. I am extremely forgiving and tend to think more about others than myself. I am extremely loyal, somewhat impulsive, trusting and trustworthy....gee I think I might blush now!
My favorite quote of all time is by Goethe and I think this has special relevance for those searching for loved ones:
Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back– Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation), there is one elementary truth that ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one’s favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamed would have come his way. Whatever you can do, or dream you can do, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it. Begin it now. Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it. –Goethe
WHAT ARE YOU MOST PROUD OF IN YOUR LIFE?
My dedication to raising my daughter and caring for my adoptive mother as a single mom. I entered college when my daughter was 5 and graduated from the University of Texas when she was 10. My birth father died two years before I graduated leaving my adoptive mother with no financial support (she had never worked). I brought her to live with me and my daughter in my college dorm. We worked together to raise my daughter. My mother had heart and lung problems. I supported her and raised my daughter for the next 10 years. I got married in 2006 and then got my adoptive mother her own apartment where I visited her at least three times a week. It was a hard journey at times for us all, but I feel it was a tremendous time of personal growth and sharing of love. Enduring this difficult time created an amazing bond between the three of us. That is the thing I am most proud of!
WHY DO YOU FEEL YOUR STORY SHOULD BE CHOSEN TO BE ON OUR SHOW?
Well, There are probably many many people who feel that they do not have enough information to submit to your show. I admit I don't have much for you to go on! So if you could crack this case then it might show others to NEVER NEVER GIVE UP. I also feel that my extreme love for my adoptive family could demonstrate to birth parents that may be watching that adoptees DO find wonderful homes, ARE loved beyond words, and can live happy lives. My life also is a great example of how although my adoptive life was not ideal (we were not well-off, my adoptive father was obese, I ended up being a teen parent myself, my adoptive mother and I struggled to get by at times) I NEVER resented the family or situation I was adopted into. I think this is a very important message for birth parents to hear. The adoptive parents don't have to be perfect people with perfect lives, many many adoptees would not trade their adoptive lives for any other destiny and are very thankful for the circumstances that created who they are today!
ABOUT ME:
As of this January 5, 2010 I have lived 40 years with a piece missing. This piece lives with my birth mother. At just five-days old and without a family to call my own, I was fatefully placed into the arms of two amazing people who loved me boundlessly. "You are so loved because you are so wanted!" my Adoptive Mother always told me. She explained that I was also "so loved" by my Birth Mother that she put aside all the desire in her heart to keep me and instead let my Mommy raise me for her "so I would have the best life possible."
And WOW did I! My adoptive parents sacrificed to educate me in private school, supported my pre-teen love of acting and singing, and stood by me when (at 19) I too became pregnant. I decided that I could not make the same difficult sacrifice as my own birth mother; I could not give my baby up for adoption. It might have been a selfish decision, as I was truly unprepared to be a mother. Yet I knew my heart could not withstand the double loss. I could not live my life longing for both my birth mother and my birth daughter. The thought of that was unfathomable.
Today I know I made the right decision for me; still I wish I could have saved my child the difficulty of growing up with a single mother. And I am awed by those who are able to let their children go “to find better lives”. Still I cannot describe the connection I find in my own daughter's eyes, my eyes; her smile that matches my own; she is my one true living relative. Hers is the face I look into and see my own, those mannerisms we share, and those habits we just can't break no matter how hard we try. The loss of this precious connection that binds mother and daughter is the loss endured in the lives of those separated by adoption.
The day they put my daughter in my arms, I met my first living relative, and I felt so much less alone. Yet a part of me (the part that is the daughter and not the mother) still stands alone in my continued search to close the familial circle. Today I am happily married; I obtained a college degree in Journalism and work in the world of online media and social networking. My daughter is now 20 years old, and I am step mom to an 11 year old son. I enjoy creative writing, walking, yoga, cooking. I lost my adoptive father in 1996 and my adoptive mother September 11 of 2008. I decided to start my search this year on my 40th birthday. My birth mother would be somewhere between 57 and 63ish probably.
HOW WILL FINDING YOUR RELATIVE CHANGE YOUR LIFE?
I have long felt that it is my obligation to reach out to find my birth mother. My core longs to find her, and if she wants to find me as badly as I want to find her, then I owe it to her to search as hard as I can, especially if she is searching diligently as well. She did the hardest part (letting me go). Doing my part of the reconnecting work is the least I can do. Finding her would change my life in possibly two ways. If she was glad to be found, this could mean that my family would grow, I would feel complete and our hearts could stop longing, our eyes could stop searching crowds, our ears could stop searching names.
If she was NOT happy to be found and wanted to leave the past in the past, YES it would hurt. But even from here I could begin to heal. I could stop picking at the primal wound so to speak. I would know that "she" is not still out there searching for me, and I too could stop searching. Knowing I found her, even if she did not want to connect, would allow me to begin to heal and obtain closure. Until then, we adoptees walk around with our invisible antennae up constantly searching faces in the crowd and seeking out that secret information to be delivered from the universe.
WHY IS IT URGENT FOR YOU TO FIND THEM NOW? (Please be detailed)
It is only urgent to find her (and/or my birth father/family) in that the longer I wait the fewer years we will have together should they want to reconnect. It is urgent also because after 40 years I want to have peace around this no matter which way it goes. I want to lower my adoptee antennae.
IF YOU SAW HIM/HER AGAIN, WHAT IS IT YOU WOULD LIKE TO SAY?
I have always understood your choice was for the best (regardless of the reason), I have always loved you, and I have always prayed for you to be at peace with your decision. I would not change anything in any way as I cannot imagine never having loved my adoptive parents and I am who I am today because of your choice, and I love who I am so all is as it should be! I have thought of you on every birthday and with every joyous moment in my life.
PLEASE CHOOSE ONE WORD TO DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY AND EXPLAIN:
GENUINE - What you see is what you get with me. I don't hide behind false pretenses, I wear my heart on my sleeve, I am honest and kind and supportive. I don't hold grudges or measure things or search for my fair share. I believe that all things good and bad in our lives happen for a reason. I believe life is a continuous learning experience. There are no mistakes there are only tough lessons. I am extremely forgiving and tend to think more about others than myself. I am extremely loyal, somewhat impulsive, trusting and trustworthy....gee I think I might blush now!
My favorite quote of all time is by Goethe and I think this has special relevance for those searching for loved ones:
Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back– Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation), there is one elementary truth that ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one’s favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamed would have come his way. Whatever you can do, or dream you can do, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it. Begin it now. Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it. –Goethe
WHAT ARE YOU MOST PROUD OF IN YOUR LIFE?
My dedication to raising my daughter and caring for my adoptive mother as a single mom. I entered college when my daughter was 5 and graduated from the University of Texas when she was 10. My birth father died two years before I graduated leaving my adoptive mother with no financial support (she had never worked). I brought her to live with me and my daughter in my college dorm. We worked together to raise my daughter. My mother had heart and lung problems. I supported her and raised my daughter for the next 10 years. I got married in 2006 and then got my adoptive mother her own apartment where I visited her at least three times a week. It was a hard journey at times for us all, but I feel it was a tremendous time of personal growth and sharing of love. Enduring this difficult time created an amazing bond between the three of us. That is the thing I am most proud of!
WHY DO YOU FEEL YOUR STORY SHOULD BE CHOSEN TO BE ON OUR SHOW?
Well, There are probably many many people who feel that they do not have enough information to submit to your show. I admit I don't have much for you to go on! So if you could crack this case then it might show others to NEVER NEVER GIVE UP. I also feel that my extreme love for my adoptive family could demonstrate to birth parents that may be watching that adoptees DO find wonderful homes, ARE loved beyond words, and can live happy lives. My life also is a great example of how although my adoptive life was not ideal (we were not well-off, my adoptive father was obese, I ended up being a teen parent myself, my adoptive mother and I struggled to get by at times) I NEVER resented the family or situation I was adopted into. I think this is a very important message for birth parents to hear. The adoptive parents don't have to be perfect people with perfect lives, many many adoptees would not trade their adoptive lives for any other destiny and are very thankful for the circumstances that created who they are today!
Monday, January 4, 2010
Forty and Flatulent -- Uh... I Meant Fabulous ... I Swear!
Happy New Year! Happy New Decade! and Happy 40th Birthday to me!
Born in 1970, every ten years I am privy to entering a new decade of life as society enters a new decade as well. I like the way it works! I can think of the 80's as my Terrorizing Teens, the 90's as my Trendy Twenties, the 2001-2010 my Trepidatious Thirties. And now here comes the 2010-2020 - my Fast and Furious Forties are here!
These next ten years will of course fly by. Prior experience seems to prove this theory. I would be lying if I say I am not feeling some weirdness about the big FOUR O. Throw in some regret too of course, you can't live 40 years without making some major F-ups; but mostly I feel excited. I hear my mother's words, "My forties were the best years of my life, I had a blast!" Thus, I plan to take it slow as it will go and ennnnjoyyyyy the ride.
This milestone, despite its bad reputation, has not thunked me on the head like a random bolder, "THUD, your life is over...." Instead it seems to have tip toed into my happy place, where it is twinkling tiny sparks that feel like permission to fully LIVE! To stop waiting, to jump more and calculate less. Nice.
I remember turning 30 and feeling an intense sense of pressure 'THIS is the decade I have to prove myself, THIS is the decade where I make it or break it.' Oh the pressure I put on myself to become somebody my daughter and my family and myself would be proud of. How many times have I said over the last 20 years, 'I don't want to wake up at 40 and realize x.....or not be x....or not have x.'
Suddenly here I am, and so far I don't even feel the need to measure up to my younger self's expectations. 'Get over yourself, pluheeese....' I tell her. 'See we are good, better than good!'
No, I am not rich yet! Yes, I am not in perfect shape (but hey I did not fully appreciate THAT when I had it). But wow, I am actually not afraid to fail, and not on a mission to "become". It's very freeing. I kinda just feel like hanging out and puttering (wow that sounds old)! Oh well, I guess that's part of it.
This year what can readers of this blog expect? Observation, self-improvement, a few goals to go on about. Details? You want details ok...but let's keep it short:
1. The search for Diane begins. My birth mother is probably in her 60's right about now - I begin with an application to Find My Family on NBC this month.
2. Links to new stories in my portfolio at www.Writing.com, discussions on my favorite books, films, recipes, products etc - Reports on anything that keeps me sexy, sane and centered.
3. Health and Humility - More musings from Training with Trainer Dan - It seems learning how to run and completing a Half-Marathon and another 3-Day are in my future this year!
4. This year begins a year of no dairy and a genetic test to determine my risk for 100 different diseases - the BRAC breast cancer gene among them - a genetic home test by www.pathways.com promises to return to me a list of what I will most likely take me out of this world. Thus I will also learn everything I need to watch out for in the next 40 years, JOY! You will be hearing more about this interesting and important test very soon. I send in my sample tomorrow!
5. Sharing Motherhood - The continued saga of unraveling the secrets of "being there" for my twenty something daughter without "telling her how to live her life." Plus extras on step-parenting my pre-teen son.
6. Under the covers reporting: Middle Aged Married Life (Can it be any worse than it sounds? and "Is Sex in her 40's Really the Best of a Woman's Life?
7. And of course - No one will get away from my jib and jab observations about love, career, life and circumstance while mindlessly walking suburbia.
I guess in honor the decade I should have three more bullets here (will have to get back to you on this one).
Happy B-Day me! And thanks for following!
Patricia
Born in 1970, every ten years I am privy to entering a new decade of life as society enters a new decade as well. I like the way it works! I can think of the 80's as my Terrorizing Teens, the 90's as my Trendy Twenties, the 2001-2010 my Trepidatious Thirties. And now here comes the 2010-2020 - my Fast and Furious Forties are here!
These next ten years will of course fly by. Prior experience seems to prove this theory. I would be lying if I say I am not feeling some weirdness about the big FOUR O. Throw in some regret too of course, you can't live 40 years without making some major F-ups; but mostly I feel excited. I hear my mother's words, "My forties were the best years of my life, I had a blast!" Thus, I plan to take it slow as it will go and ennnnjoyyyyy the ride.
This milestone, despite its bad reputation, has not thunked me on the head like a random bolder, "THUD, your life is over...." Instead it seems to have tip toed into my happy place, where it is twinkling tiny sparks that feel like permission to fully LIVE! To stop waiting, to jump more and calculate less. Nice.
I remember turning 30 and feeling an intense sense of pressure 'THIS is the decade I have to prove myself, THIS is the decade where I make it or break it.' Oh the pressure I put on myself to become somebody my daughter and my family and myself would be proud of. How many times have I said over the last 20 years, 'I don't want to wake up at 40 and realize x.....or not be x....or not have x.'
Suddenly here I am, and so far I don't even feel the need to measure up to my younger self's expectations. 'Get over yourself, pluheeese....' I tell her. 'See we are good, better than good!'
No, I am not rich yet! Yes, I am not in perfect shape (but hey I did not fully appreciate THAT when I had it). But wow, I am actually not afraid to fail, and not on a mission to "become". It's very freeing. I kinda just feel like hanging out and puttering (wow that sounds old)! Oh well, I guess that's part of it.
This year what can readers of this blog expect? Observation, self-improvement, a few goals to go on about. Details? You want details ok...but let's keep it short:
1. The search for Diane begins. My birth mother is probably in her 60's right about now - I begin with an application to Find My Family on NBC this month.
2. Links to new stories in my portfolio at www.Writing.com, discussions on my favorite books, films, recipes, products etc - Reports on anything that keeps me sexy, sane and centered.
3. Health and Humility - More musings from Training with Trainer Dan - It seems learning how to run and completing a Half-Marathon and another 3-Day are in my future this year!
4. This year begins a year of no dairy and a genetic test to determine my risk for 100 different diseases - the BRAC breast cancer gene among them - a genetic home test by www.pathways.com promises to return to me a list of what I will most likely take me out of this world. Thus I will also learn everything I need to watch out for in the next 40 years, JOY! You will be hearing more about this interesting and important test very soon. I send in my sample tomorrow!
5. Sharing Motherhood - The continued saga of unraveling the secrets of "being there" for my twenty something daughter without "telling her how to live her life." Plus extras on step-parenting my pre-teen son.
6. Under the covers reporting: Middle Aged Married Life (Can it be any worse than it sounds? and "Is Sex in her 40's Really the Best of a Woman's Life?
7. And of course - No one will get away from my jib and jab observations about love, career, life and circumstance while mindlessly walking suburbia.
I guess in honor the decade I should have three more bullets here (will have to get back to you on this one).
Happy B-Day me! And thanks for following!
Patricia
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